i know i never really posted about the finer things that happened this month, such as the A level postings, my Passing out parade or the magical experience with the borders girl. all these things are ultimately immaterial compared to what life really is about:






Reproduction.







just kidding!! more on those things if i have the chance to blog about it. but who really wants to know what i got for my A's, who fainted at the passing out parade (the pun!!) or just who the magical border's girl i had the pleasure of meeting with is??

and to all those i owe christmas gifts to, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE remind me when i get back.

i've been posted to OCS and won't be back for another 3 weeks at least, so till then, let my hero/battle/war-cry resound.

AHHLLLL BE BACK!!!

(plus, more photos, gossip and other things your mother didn't want you to know about in my next entry!)

What I want to be when I grow up

Many have come to believe I harbour aspirations to become a doctor, while others have concluded that I'm a budding ambassador to the world, given my predisposition to studying international relations. While there may be a kernel of truth in these assumptions as to my future inclinations, I've decided it's time to come clean about my innermost desires, my subject of fervent fanaticism.

I want to be a superhero.

I've decided on my name: The Tominater.

Now, instead of bionical arms and laughable climbing hooks that a certain masked winged mammal possesses (I say throw them out of the window with THESE babies *winks at biceps*), I'm either going to finally reach puberty and come into my powers, or experience a head-on collision with a radioactive waste tanker. Whatever the method of power-derivation, the ultimate product must be self contained and devoid of hopelessly cumbersome gizmos and gadgets. If i must climb, it will be either with elastic arms or a profusion of instantly grown spikey hair on my back that will enable me to curl into a ball and roll up any skyscraper.

Having telepathy is, too, a definite must. Afterall, how else would I know if the ladies are checking me and my personality out? I would be able to not only focus my 'hearing' on certain suspects, but as with modern media and advertising culture, also apply subtle persuasion through whispered suggestion. Predictable instances of such a skill's usage would be to stop a crazed and desperate mother from taking the 20 storey leap or to convince an especially attractive and serendipitously 'well-dressed' female that she has dropped a random item from her handbag on the floor.

My powers would undoubtedly allow me to take telekinesis to the next level with a built-in mental taser. Having to sprint to slap the butt of the boy jogging in front of one, is infinitely tiresome. I would much rather have the ability to shock, frighten and perhaps pleasure another by administering these minor electric jolts from a relaxed (and maybe safer) distance.

I have always believed a good defense positively overshadows a good offense. In addition to having extremely potent and malodorous flatulation (that may ultimately increase my speed of retreat), I would have lightning-fast digging abilities that allow me to tunnel an escape route underground and maybe just maybe form potholes that trip up my enemies, cause them to tumble, break every bone in their bodies and thereby meet their timely deaths.

My one claim to super attack would be my.....smoldering gaze. By turning up the body temperature of my evil nemisis, he (or she, if i'm lucky) would shriek, "I'm melting I'm melting!!" and be forced to shed his spandex outfit and voluminous cape. Left in naked vulnerability, I would then apply my incredible wit and pelt scathing insults that diminish his fragile sense of virility. Giving my victory crow at his very public humiliation, an immediate depression of a button within my nasal cavity will inflate my head to the proportions of a hot air balloon, and have me floating gracefully from the scene of enemy-extermination.

Well folks, I'm done blogging for the night. But remember! AHLL BE BAHCK!