omg.

it's become a habit for me, that before i blog, i take part in my pre-blog constitutional, which consists of me unbuttoning my shirt (if i'm wearing one) and unzipping my trousers to let the creative juices flow (not that way, it's figurative.) i listen to the tunes of some random soundtrack from my music library and i think about what means the most to me right there and then.

there's something which has been bothering me completely, unforgivingly and hatefully, and i couldn't find out why it affected me so much or why i felt so strongly about it. was it the lack of answers i sought? or were there too few pieces of the puzzle that prevented me from seeing what i needed to see? or was i just unhappy with what i saw even though it was the whole picture? well i don't know. i'm just mortified that i've been bothered by it for so, freaking long. but today, after months of futile processing, i've decided, and rightfull so, to lift it up entirely to God.

A friend whom i thought i was close to has been avoiding another friend and I for a really long time now. Usually i wouldn't make anything of it, because scary and superficial as it sounds, I think I've always felt confident that there'd be another group of friends I could just as easily click with. I know, i know, it sounds horribly overconfident of me and quite bastardly too, but i think it really was how i felt on a very deep level that went beyond a subconciousness i thought i had figured out. It is, in fact, a side of me I am ashamed of and if it's the reason my friendship never worked out with anybody, i'm really, really sorry. I'd do something about it if i could, and i believe that when the time comes, i will. maybe that's why i always seemed to glaze pass people, giving others the impression that i was "everywhere" and never really grounded or committed to anything. And yet with this friend's slow but certain drift, i could feel a sense of desperation and anxiety welling up inside me, something i don't quite think i've felt before. Because of this i began thinking and asking myself a lot of questions, like who are these people i call my friends? what have i done to deserve their friendship? what kind of person am I? it got me realizing that I don't put in enough effort into a lot of relationships, and that my brand of realizing a friendship didn't work well with a lot of people. i expected too much out of friendships and when i didn't get the reciprocation i thought i needed, i either walked away from the friendship, or let it drift away on its own. out of a twisted sense of pride or warped brand of logic, i'd rationalize myself out of the rut. it was really stupid of me. i still don't know what to do about this trait of mine, because i'm confident i've felt a sense of realization close to but not as exact or precise as this epiphany of mine, and i've acted on it before but because i never took the time to think it through, i never found out what it was. i'm taking this lenten season to try to go back to God and pray for some answers to these pressing issues, maybe find my feet as i've always talked about.

this friend of mine, well, i know i haven't put in enough, but at the same time, i believe there are some things at play here that truly are beyond my control, like the path my friend chooses to take at the end of it all. well, X, we miss you but we can't choose your friends for you, and we certainly don't have the right to do so either. i think we all made a bad choice behaving the way we do but at the end of the day, I really can't justify enough (even for myself) why you felt that way and why you chose to walk away because of what they said about you. it was so, so childish, even by my standards. and i guess i haven't done enough myself to understand or comment objectively.

i don't want to come across as angsty, because i'm really not. i just think i've found God again in my own flaws and I really want to get my life back on track. The past few months have been a real blur to me, months of following and mindless routine. but now i want to blaze a trail of my own, and I'm just glad to have found God again in the process.

HALL PLAY POST PRODUCTION PARTYYYYY!!!!!!

you guys are such great fun! something sgt major left on a friend's blog: hall play fever lasts as long as you want it to, not the typical 2 weeks.

and his final toast to us: Never cheat, lie, or steal, but if you must, cheat Death, Lie with your loved ones in bed, and Steal the moments in life that take your breath away.

too true, leon, as these photos attest to!!!












A few days ago something very unfortunate happened to my friend and his family.

If you get the chance, tell them, tell them you love them. Don't wait for another day because that day might never come. i think the greatest thing the human body is capable of is the capacity to love and be loved. so it doesn't matter if you're emo-spassing, sometimes that's how we express what we usually can't in cold, unfeeling, factual terms.

I can't thank you people enough for the wonderful, memorable experience I've had in Hall Play. To Leon, Darius, Lynn, Eunice, Jiayan, Josh, Azahar, Doreen, Meilinda, Dawn, Lingyin, Nathan, Cel the smell, Dawn, Grace, Andy, and the rest of whom I haven't mentioned here. We've put together something so awesome, so real and yet so magical its difficult even comprehending the immense pride I feel when people talk about our play. Like eunice mentioned, its going to be hard coming up with reasons not to do homework now, and hall life won't ever be the same without all those rehearsals and tech runs and bitch swipes between darius and i.

Scene 1: The Debate
Jiayan, Azahar, Eunice, Andy, Dawn, Grace, Doreen, Meilinda (don't know if i missed anyone out here, there were too many of you!)

Scene 2: The Call - Debut! Where the cheesy, smelly feet jokes begin
Cel and I

Scene 3: The Draft - One of the funniest scenes of the play. I couldn't help myself from laughing on the opening night because all of us suddenly introduced all these new quirky bits!
Nathan, Lynn, Jiayan, Josh, Leon, Lingyin and I

Scene 4: Eunice's soliloquey and the ever nasal "beware, beware, beware"
Eunice, Andy

Scene 5: Childhood Memories
Cel, Eunice, Dawn, Grace and I

Scene 6: Donny - The first death scene
Lynn, Jiayan, Josh, Nathan and I

Scene 7: The Missing Photo - imho our best scene. thanks to the directors for scripting it so well.
Josh, Lynn, Dawn and I

Scene 8: The Children in White - Spookiest scene which i hear made a few people cry. good job!
Doreen, Azahar, Andy

Intermission

Scene 9: Donny's Death - Celene and Lynn's encore scene. This is where we start building our wall of emotions.
Celene, Lynn, Jiayan and I

Scene 10: The Commander's Death - This is where we open the floodgates. The whole play takes a turn and the seriousness and warped nature of war begins to set in.
Jiayan, Josh, Meilinda, Lingyin, EUNICE and I

Scene 11: We have seen the Enemy - this is the one that paul rey's took so much out from. magical stuff
Dawn, Azahar, Nathan, Doreen.

Scene 12: The End Is Nigh - Jiayan's last scene, and a great conclusion to her emo-spas part too!
Jiayan, Josh, Andy and I

Scene 13: The Generals
Celene, Azahar, Nathan, Meilinda, Andy

Scene 14: The Arrival - of snogging and much flesh-baring! we added the fantastic siren ending 5 days away from opening night. a very emotional scene for all of us
Grace, Doreen, Eunice and I



i can't help but feel nostalgic.

5 months well spent.

Memories to last me a lifetime.








more photos when i get the chance! there's a limit to how many i get to post with each entry.

Labels: hall, hall play, letters from the frontline

Thank you for the memories, guys. It's been an absolute honor and privilege working with you people. I haven't felt so proud about something like this for years, and I think I've found a new hobby in acting.

I'll post more when i get the photos!

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know, you know, you know

[CHORUS]
I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
Cause you know, you know, you know

[CHORUS] that I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

So far away
(So far away)
been far away for far too long
So far away
been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

All I wanted
I wanted you to stay
Cause I needed
I need to hear you say:
that I love you
(I love you)
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
(and I forgive you)
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and never let me go
Keep breathing
Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and never let me go
(Keep breathing)
Hold on to me and never let me go
(Keep breathing)
Hold on to me and never let me go



the things i listen to for hall play.